To be or not to be celibate

I recently came across a television show entitled “Virgin Diaries” on cable’s TLC network. The episode I saw featured one woman in particular who was in her early ’30s, in a relationship and still a virgin.Another participant was a man also in his thirties and still a virgin. Both were waiting until marriage to have sex for the first time. After watching the show, it got me thinking about whether the seemingly old fashioned idea of no sex before marriage is still realistic, especially since in the past year,according to the Pew Research Center,the marriage rate in the U.S was at an all-time low. Let me say I respect anyone who is willing to stand by their religious or moral beliefs by practicing abstinence; it’s just not something I would choose for myself. What happens if you never get married? Then what? You die a virgin, never experiencing that level of intimacy with someone? No thank you.

I am not promoting casual sex with random people-that is not what this is about. There are many couples who are in committed relationships, myself included, who are not yet married. I just don’t see the point of depriving yourself of the pleasures of sex because you don’t have a piece of paper labeling your relationship as a marriage. If two people have a solid, faithful relationship but are not married, does that make their relationship any less valid? Not to me it doesn’t. So why shouldn’t they express their love for one another in the most intimate way possible. Many argue that men are the only ones who benefit from premarital sex, reciting the old adage, “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.” In some instances that may be true, but the key is to be selective about the people you choose to be intimate with and make responsible choices.

I think those women who choose total celibacy only because they think a man won’t be motivated to marry them if they’re already having sex, put undue pressure on a man to propose. If a man is going to propose to me I want it to be because he can’t see his life without me, not because he’s been enticed by the idea of being my first and my last. Just as I would never advise anyone to have sex because they feel pressured to, I wouldn’t advise someone to abstain from sex with someone they truly love because they feel pressured to wait.

Deciding to have sex with someone is a major decision and has the potential to be a life changing one. Couples should always wait to have sex until they are mature and comfortable enough to take that next step in a relationship.

There are some who will disagree with my opinion on the issue, but I just think putting such a constraint as waiting until marriage on sexual activity between two mature consenting adults, has become quite an archaic notion.