Breaking up is hard to do: What time is the right time?

We all know that some relationships were not meant to last forever. However, nothing is more devastating than giving your heart to someone only to have them hand it back to you in pieces. One day you think you’ve found the person you were going to spend your life with and maybe someday start a family with, and then something happens, suddenly or over time, that leaves you with the heartbreaking task of ending the relationship.

If your relationship ends on good terms based on a mutual agreement between the two of you, consider yourself lucky. For most, it doesn’t usually happen that way and one person is left with the task of bringing the union to a close. Sometimes we may not know when it’s finally time to let it go.

Being unhappy and finding yourself searching desperately for something to hold on to or waiting for your boyfriend or girlfriend to show some ounce of compassion for what you’re feeling means the relationship has already hit rock bottom and it may be time to consider leaving. There are actions in a relationship that just should not be acceptable. If he continuously messes up, cheats, doesn’t come home at night, and offers the same excuses or doesn’t bother trying to come up with an answer at all, then it may be time to reevaluate the relationship. 

For example, if he develops a relationship with another woman online complete with the sharing of inappropriate photos, “I was bored” is not a valid excuse. If he doesn’t make an effort to make up for his wrongdoings, this can be a sign that he doesn’t care about making it right or making it work. This type of behavior is an indication that it is time to rethink some things.

Have you noticed your boyfriend lying about things, big and small? Did you find out that your significant other has been keeping secrets and you notice secretive behavior? These actions are undoubtedly creating a lack of trust between the two of you. This is important because without trust, there is no possibility of maintaining a healthy relationship. 

Once the trust is gone, evaluate whether it can be rebuilt. If not, there is no sense in keeping the relationship going. When you get to a point in a relationship where you feel like you are putting your heart and soul into it and getting nothing back, take a moment to ask yourself if this is what you really want. If you’re at a point at which you care more than he does, then it's time to go. 

Any type of abuse should be a deal breaker. Keep in mind that there are different types of abuse. There is the physical kind, but there is also the emotional/verbal kind. If abuse is happening in a relationship you should definitely make a plan to leave before it escalates.

Breaking up is an undeniably difficult thing to do, but if your relationship has deteriorated to the point that ending it is even an option then you may be better off without it. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to mourn the relationship. It hurts; I get that, but don’t let the pain of a break up rob you of the happiness which is present in other areas of your life. 

Allow yourself to sulk or sit around looking a mess and eating your favorite ice cream, but only for a few days. After that, whether you want to or not, get yourself up and out of that funk. Go exercise to ease the stress or have lunch with one of your favorite people to get your mind off of the heartache. Volunteering is a good way to get over a relationship because it will bring into perspective the fact that others have it way worse than you do right now. You will move on and you’ll be a better person for it.