Education offers no easy play on words

It just took me no less than 12 hours to do one homework assignment, and most likely half of them will be wrong. Oh, and I wasn't even able to finish all of them in that time; I didn't do the last three problems — 12 hours was simply all the time I had to dedicate to it.

Therefore this column is a note to anyone in or going into education—especially but not limited to, children's education.

My oldest son, who is in seventh grade, recently came home with this assignment: "I have these 20 vocabulary words and my teacher says I have to write a story using all of them. She says I can just do ten sentences though and not the usual twenty."

"Are you kidding me? An adult couldn't think of a logical story using these words in ten sentences. That's completely ridiculous. Here, give me the words. I'll write it for you." He sits over my shoulder.

"Let's do them in order to make it even harder," I excitedly say.

I begin typing as if I don't even have to think about what comes next, which equally surprised both of us.

Here was the result: I woke up this morning and had an unusually ANIMATED look on my face. I was DOWNRIGHT happy.

I think I will INDULGE in my favorite breakfast: eggs and bacon. As I was walking downstairs I accidentally stepped on my mother's LOOM, which made me feel bad.

So I wrote an ORATION to tell her that I was sorry. Unfortunately, I SINGED the paper and can now barely read my oration.

I called the company that made the loom to VERIFY that I could still purchase my mother the same loom. I knew she would BROOD if she didn't have the same exact one, but they didn't answer, and all I heard on the other end of the phone was a DRONE.

I go into the kitchen and get out all the INGREDIENTS to make my eggs and bacon. I chose my favorite plate to eat off of; it has a beautiful LUSTER.

I got a cup out of the cabinet which made me quite PEEVISH, because it was dirty.

I go into the dining room and get out a very UNIQUE antique cup and use that instead. Oh how I YEARN to eat these delicious eggs and bacon. Just as my breakfast was CULMINATING, the dog came up and got next to the sofa, which I hate, so I GOAD him to move.

Man I wish dogs were LITERATE, they don't even know what "move out of the way" means.

After breakfast I watched a few MISCELLANEOUS, shows on television. Then my mother walked into the room and was SEETHING, "George, why is my loom lying on the floor in the hallway and not standing UPRIGHT?"

I have no idea what teachers are thinking asking a 12-year-old to do that.