Hey freshmen, make sure he’s the exception, and not the rule
Published: Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Updated: Wednesday, August 24, 2011 19:08
All the girls know him — the McDreamy legend. Every campus has one.
The seniors are sick of him (unless he is their boyfriend) while the sophomores have moved onto Stage Three stalkers and the freshmen have just become obsessed with him.
McDreamy or McDimwit (my preference) changes about every five to six years, after he is forced to move.
When he no longer feels comfortable buying a drink for an under-aged girl because he worries about getting arrested at the next Library police raid, he knows it is time for the real world — of other 29-year-olds.
The upper-classmen are most likely a lost cause for the McDreamy case.
We have mourned, stalked, tweeted he was gay or ruined a sorority sister's life because she hooked up with your McDimwit.
Freshmen girls, you have a fresh start. Let us take a look at who these legends are and how you can spot them.
Before I describe these legends, I have a disclaimer's notice: These guys are the rules; therefore, there may be exceptions within each group, but this is rare.
The first year involves a lot of partying — sorry Mom and Dad.
You may go out a few nights a week and see the same bartender or door guy each time. Yes, I bet he is cute. He also probably has a girlfriend, stalker, someone at home and I guarantee you that he is not lonely at night.
"But he bought me a shot, asked for my number and called me at 4 a.m. — it is only because he works at bar, and that is when he got off!"
Making a lemon drop shot — which contains less alcohol than my Dunkin Donuts latte — is not hard; in fact, they are usually pre-made. When McDreamy whips out free Patron at $9 a pop — then we will start to talk.
Remember, these guys are also in the hospitality industry. They are working for the money, honey.
They do not care if you wake up next to them; in fact, they prefer you wouldn't — ask the sophomore stalkers.
Aside from the bartenders, fraternity princes are waiting to sweep freshmen off their feet — literally — for the five-minute walk up the house stairs.
If you have rushed, then you have gotten a taste of this. The boys, some 23-years-old, maybe older, glue themselves to the frat house windows like puppies scoping out the new 18-year-olds.
Once they are released from their man cave, the wild animals rush to prey on the new specimen they patiently waited for and the older girls hated before they arrived.
McFratty says all the right things, "does not have a girlfriend" and never makes things official.
He does all the wrong things, has a girlfriend or hooks up with your "sister" — unless he is the exception.
Your Facebook status is only going to change if Mark Zuckerberg creates an All in the Family Relationship: "I'm hooking up with ______who is going out with my sorority sister ______."
I don't know about you ladies, but I would rather be in a relationship with my chocolate lab on Facebook.
UCF is a large campus, you could meet your McDreamy or McDimwit anywhere — your dorm (not a good idea), the gym, wherever — just make sure he is the exception, not the rule.