Somewhere nearby, he is biding his time.
Patiently, he is awaiting his moment, his opportunity to return to all the glory that was so mercilessly taken from him.
From the ashes of Florida Technical University’s past, the Citronaut will rise.
While Knightro smiles for the camera and hams it up in front of thousands on Saturdays during football season, the true hero of campus — an orange (or is it a tangerine?) clad in a Jetsons space-cadet getup straight out of the ‘60s — is forced to look on and wonder … wonder what could have been.
These injustices must be recognized because we, as a university and as a fanbase, must embrace our Citronaut roots.
I mean, look at the guy. Doesn’t he just look like he wants to be your friend?
Doesn’t the Citronaut, with his smiling and kind demeanor, look trustworthy — like someone you’d want to be the best man at your wedding?
Don’t those of you of the legal drinking age just want to sit down and have a beer with the Citronaut?
Think of how awesome Bright House Networks Stadium would be if it was jazzed up to look like a cross between Tron and Star Wars, with random citrus-y symbols throughout.
What would you rather have — Knightro’s sword or the Citronaut’s ray gun or lightsaber? I mean, I assume he has either a ray gun or a lightsaber, but I can’t actually confirm that.
Besides, he is exactly what a college mascot should be — a symbol of the area. UF has the Gators, FSU has the Seminoles and we once had the Citronaut, a completely made-up mix between the area’s agriculture and the Space Coast’s claim to fame.
Anyhow, I think most of my fellow journalists wait their entire lives to write an article that will change the world and that will make things better. This cause — the Citronaut’s cause — I’ve come to realize is my life’s work. In lieu of the typical final column as Sports Editor of the Central Florida Future, I am here to make a bold statement — avenge the Citronaut!
Sure, I realize UCF has spent millions on the branding and rebranding of Golden Knights to just Knights and plastering Knightro’s face everywhere, and that can’t really be undone.
But, surely, we can have a game or two for each sport where the Citronaut is the theme, especially during this 50th Anniversary hoopla. If anything, this can be an advantage for UCF. Imagine: Missouri, the first Southeastern Conference opponent to visit Bright House, shows up expecting to do battle with Knights but instead is taken by surprise by a stadium of green and orange — and Citronauts!
Tigers vs. Citronauts?
Clearly, we’d win.
So, I stand before you today (metaphorically, not literally), calling for justice. Let’s bring that adorable little fella, wearing what I think is an oversized bowtie, back to relevance. Let’s make right what is wrong.
The night is darkest before the dawn, and the dawn of the Citronaut’s resurrection is coming. Get ready.