"Bueller?… Bueller?… Bueller?"

Just replace Bueller with Glenn, and that's how I imagine my professors sound as they repeat my name over and over again during roll call. And just like Ben Stein, they're sadly disappointed when I don't answer, because just like Ferris, I'm taking the day off.

However, unlike Ferris, my days off seem to be multiplying like a herd of horny rabbits. Additionally, when I play hooky, I don't convince all of UCF I'm on the verge of death, burst into song in a Chicago parade or convince my friend to steal his dad's Ferrari.

Lastly, my days off are fully justified because sometimes classes are just a plain waste of time. Actually, the fact that professors take attendance sort of contradicts the whole "You're a grown-up now!" spiel those peppy O-teamers spout at orientation. Aren't I responsible enough to decide whether or not I need to go to class? I mean, I must. After all, I'm already responsible enough to afford to pay hundreds of dollars to be enrolled in said class.

Now, don't think I just skip class willy-nilly. I skip the classes that have professors who post the slides online or who drone on about nothing for two hours, or classes that start at some ungodly hour (before noon).

This semester, my beliefs about the importance of attending classes have been confirmed. When you're able to ace tests without ever once attending a lecture, what does that say? That I'm a protégé? Not likely. That the classes are a bunch of hooey? Sounds more like it.

It's as simple as this. Some students depend on attendance to bring up their bad test grades. I, on the other hand, depend on tests to bring up bad attendance grades — which makes a lot more sense because tests usually account for about half of students' final grades, while attendance perhaps accounts for a measly 5 percent.

What would make me want to go to classes, you ask? If they brought something to the course that I couldn't find in a textbook or on Webcourses, and if they did more than regurgitate what I could learn while lying in bed.

So, it'd be great if UCF professors could cut it with the Ed Rooney impressions and just let me enjoy my day off.

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