There you are in the gym. There you are in the Student Union. There you are looking smug in your new va-va-voom lipstick. Oh, look! There you are driving! I must say, the seatbelt really brings out the sparkle in your eyes.
Selfies. They're invading the planet, and day-by-day I swear to you all that the level of internet narcissism continues to worsen.
I get it. Selfies are great. We can angle the camera just perfectly to hide that pesky double chin or our gigantic schnoz. Personally, my vice is a giant forehead, or "fivehead" as some may call it. I'm thinking about renting out the space for advertising.
See? I get it. Selfies are great to some extent.
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What I don't get is why a handful of those I follow on Instagram, Facebook and the like feel the need to post about 10 or so of these a day. Is it narcissism or is it just low self esteem and the need for approval? I'm not sure. I do know, though, that it could mean you're a psychopath – at least if you're a dude.
According to a research study conducted by The Ohio State University, men who post selfies may be psychopaths. No, really.
The study revealed that men who posted an abundance of selfies of themselves online scored higher in terms of narcissism and psychopathy. Oh, and it gets better. Of the men who actually edited their photos before posting, those guys scored even higher.
Ladies, you aren't off the hook either, though. A study from the University of Strathclyde showed that women are basically torturing themselves by sitting on social media and looking at each other's selfies. The study asserts that negative body image is certainly linked to selfie habits.
So what do selfies really say about us? Before, selfies were a way we could show the world how we saw ourselves at our best angle. Now, with the over infiltration of kissy faces and closed-lip smiles, it says something different. It says we are either vulnerable, self-absorbed or even certifiably crazy.
Perhaps it's OK to take selfies periodically. Heck, smile and the world smiles with you, right? But smile in 15 different poses in 15 different posts on Instagram and you're going to get some squinty glares from your followers. My proposed solution? Take those selfies to SnapChat. At the very least, we can stop looking at them right away by tapping the screen and that coy little smirk will disappear into the abyss of wherever Snap Chats actually end up (probably on porn sites). I kid, I kid.
Jessica J. Saggio is the Managing Editor at the Central Florida Future. Follow her on Twitter at @JessicaJSaggio or email her at JessicaS@KnightNewspapers.com