I probably don’t have to tell you that this Sunday is Valentine’s Day. You’ve already been staring at the calendar for the last few days with crippling anxiety at National Love Day.

There are three categories of people in early February: taken, single and ready to mingle, or “please God, nobody notice how sad and lonely I am.”

I didn’t realize I was in the third group until I was sitting around a bonfire with eight of my friends — or rather, four couples. But the crushing blow of singleness came days later when I was tasked by my Orlando Weekly Web editor to create a photo gallery about things to do on Valentine’s Day for the single Orlandoan.

“Look at all these events I won’t be going to,” I thought over and over again.

I asked my editor if he thought any single people would actually go to this stuff on Valentine’s Day. He seemed confident. But he doesn’t speak fluent single like I do. My prediction: Netflix will break world records, boxed wine will sell out at all major chains, stray cats will find homes and half of Facebook will disappear from the world for an entire day.

Why can’t single people just treat Feb. 14 like it’s any other day? Everyone complains about how it’s a Hallmark holiday anyways. There’s no Valentine’s Day version of “Jingle Bell Rock.” Nobody decorates their house or flies back home for Valentine’s Day, unless your significant other lives there.

Single people shouldn’t be strong-armed into activity on Valentine’s Day. What’s the point? So it’s less weird for them when the couples of the world go ham on the PDA?

“Look at that single person walking around the farmer’s market on Valentine’s Day! Good for them!” said no taken onlooker ever.

I don’t hate Valentine’s Day. If you’re in a relationship, it’s great to have at least one day to shower your special someone with gifts and sweet nothings. Who cares if it’s society pressuring you to dote on “bae?” V-Day is like hitting the much-needed refresh button for a lot of relationships, and how could you possibly knock that?

Single people just worry too much about what others will think of how they spent Valentine’s Day.

Nobody makes it weird any other day of the year that I’m not in a relationship, but God forbid I walk downstairs and there isn’t a bouquet and some chocolates waiting for me on Valentine’s Day.

What a loser.


Marissa Mahoney is a contributing columnist for the Central Florida Future.

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