Top College News Subscribe to the Newsletter

Things I’ve learned from going to the new gym

Published: Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Updated: Thursday, January 27, 2011 12:01

Hi, you might recognize me. I'm that kid whose New Year's resolution was to start going to the gym.

There were a few thousand of us three weeks ago. Now, I'm one of the few dozen remaining.

During my short time at the newly revamped UCF Rec and Wellness Center, I've learned a lot.

For instance, gym fashion. When I first started going to the gym, I wore an old UCF giveaway T-shirt and a ball cap. Boy, was I out of place.

I quickly learned that it's all about the sleeveless look. There's an art to cutting the sleeves off your T-shirt. I'm not a master yet, but it involves just enough from the sides to show your lower ribcage, and just enough from the front to show a little bit of nipple.

Greek letters on the front of your shirt are a must. It's important to establish your fraternity's presence in gym, just in case some other fraternity thinks yours is soft.

For girls, don't even bother using the upstairs treadmills unless you've got enough makeup on to double as an aXis Magazine model. Remember, the gym is more than just a place to work out; it's a place to look hot.

I've also learned how important it is to stare at yourself in the mirror when curling.

Pull the bench as close to the mirror as possible, grunt loudly so everyone can see how much weight you're lifting, and practice your curl poses as often as possible.

As for curling, it's by far the most important exercise at the gym. Some people use the squat rack to squat. Those people are wrong. The squat rack is for curls. Curls get girls.

I learned that the gym, despite blaring Top 40 radio all day, respects quiet time.

One day while deadlifting, a helpful gym attendant informed me I was making too much noise. I respect all my fellow gym-goers who were reading books or studying calculus while weightlifting, so I stopped my exercise.

Gym attendants are always there to help. When a machine breaks, they make it their first priority to fix the problem. One of the assisted chin-up machines broke last week and it only took the staff eight days to get it back in working order. Talk about efficiency!

The employees also warned me of the dangers of overhead pressing. Forget benching with a thumbless grip, or dumbbell Olympic lifts in the middle of a crowd, or leg presses in the Smith machine. The overhead press is clearly the most dangerous weight lift around, and we're fortunate that the gym has outlawed the exercise altogether. Just another instance of UCF looking out for our safety.

Speaking of safety, proper weight-lifting form is mostly unnecessary. Angrily jerk your back on most lifts, and make sure your buddy spots you more than 50 percent of the weight. A key tenet of weightlifting is not to settle for what you're actually strong enough to lift, but to cheat in order to lift a weight clearly outside your ability.

With all the wisdom I've gained in less than a month at the gym, I leave you with some parting tips:

Use machines as often as possible. Carry your protein powder everywhere. Never wipe down your weights when finished.

And most importantly, call everyone "bro."

 

Recommended: Articles that may interest you

17 comments

Anonymous
Sat Jan 29 2011 21:57
Gym is a gym is a gym. I deadlift at the UCF gym all the time, and grunt like a banshee. If they really did stop you, you must have seriously been making a racket. And who cares if sleeves are cut up? Well, when they're cut down to the hip it's a little ridiculous, but the amount of sweat I produce when wearing a sleeved shirt is nearly double that of when I've got an air passage cut through.

But look: this is what gyms are like. I've been to many, and the only difference is that noncollegiate gyms have more old people. We have a big, beautiful new gym area that's open until midnight almost every day. Either accept that this is The Way Things Are, and keep up your new year's resolution or don't go. Maybe it'll free up a spot on the squat rack.

Seriously, if I see one more person curling on the squat rack I'm gonna sodomize them

Anonymous
Sat Jan 29 2011 15:35
I don't go to UCF, but outlawing deadlifts and overhead presses is ridiculous.

And don't hate on guys that just curl and bench. It's true that most girls don't care about your squat and deadlift numbers. If you want to squat in the curl rack, kindly ask a bro to curl elsewhere.

Anonymous
Sat Jan 29 2011 12:26
some people suck at detecting sarcasm (11:23)
Anonymous
Fri Jan 28 2011 19:03
i like that the really obviously gym staffmembers think we don't know it's really them posting lol
Anonymous
Fri Jan 28 2011 14:30
i didn't say anything about a thumbless grip, but def have seen them stop people from leg pressing on the smith. again, it would be impossible to think they could stop every idiotic thing that people try to do in there with as populated as it is. they do the best they can. bottom line- if you have a need to do exercies that they don't allow, go somewhere else.
Anonymous
Fri Jan 28 2011 13:31
12:20: Wrong, I asked and RWC staff informed me that benching with a thumbless grip and leg pressing in a Smith machine are allowed. If they are trying to keep people safe, why aren't these things (which are exponentially more dangerous than overhead pressing) banned as well?
Anonymous
Fri Jan 28 2011 12:20
To 23:28...if you don't know you shouldn't be doing it. And pressing with a smith isn't allowed. I've seen the fitenss staff stop people from doing this numerous times. It's rediculous to think that the gym could put a list together of all the crazy things people would try. It would be impossible. Just because it may not specifically listed (as the overhead barbell press is), that doens't mean it IS allowed. They are just trying to keep people safe.
Anonymous
Fri Jan 28 2011 11:42
Dont tread on me.
Anonymous
Fri Jan 28 2011 11:37
Seeing as you, Mike, are a bro, I dont see why you get to sarcastically bash the gym atmosphere that you are a part of. It's kind of hypocritical if you ask me. Why dont you just worry about yourself and your own workout or go home.
James
Fri Jan 28 2011 01:30
Wow I don't think the author made this to pick on anyone at the gym, or hurt the feelings of people like Mr. 11:37.

It's a crowded place and you usually see a lot of the same faces doing a lot of the same things.

It's a joke. Nothing more. If you don't like it, don't laugh.

Anonymous
Thu Jan 27 2011 23:28
"So you can't do a standing overhead barbell press...big deal. I can think of several reasons off the top of my head why this rule is in place, and can also think of three alternative exercises that work the same muscle in a much safer fashion."

What's dangerous about it, and why is it more dangerous than benching with a thumbless grip or leg pressing in a Smith machine, both of which are allowed at the RWC?

Anonymous
Thu Jan 27 2011 19:36
"Lol, Greek presence, its important to validate your insecurities too. Everyone that liked this must have payed to have friends too"

sucks to suck geed.

Anonymous
Thu Jan 27 2011 12:29
Like to the bottom comment!!!

This article is quite embellished and for those of us who genuinly view going to the gym as a time to reduce stress, build muscle, and become a healthier person, it really doesn't do much to encourage students to do that.

We have a brand new, beautiful wing of the UCF Gym (and the RWC is probably the only real thing I get for my ASF fees). This article should be much more about that and less about the author's own personal gripes with the gym culture. If you don't like, don't go. And get fat.

Anonymous
Thu Jan 27 2011 11:37
Congratulations! For the many UCF students who don't feel comfortable going to the gym because they are intimidated or feel as if they are being judged...you just proved them right, and are no better than the people you bashed in your article. The truth is...who cares. Who cares what people wear when they are there or what their make-up is like or what they are reading or studying. At least they're there. There getting stronger and healthier and bettering themselves. Isn't that what we want? Maybe if you were more focused on your own workout you wouldn't be so concerned about how everyone else in the gym looked. Instead of being excited that the gym just doubled in size and is filled with awesome new equipment for all UCF students to use...you would rather take the time and energy to ridicule the people who do use it. And you're right- gym attendants are always there to help, and the rules are in place for a reason. So you can't do a standing overhead barbell press...big deal. I can think of several reasons off the top of my head why this rule is in place, and can also think of three alternative exercises that work the same muscle in a much safer fashion. Get over it. The average population shouldn't be doing that exercise anyway, and the average population is who uses the gym.

No, I'm not one of the people in your little letter. I am not Greek, don't wear heavy amounts of make-up to the gym, and don't cut up my shirts. Well- I do stare in the mirror, but like many others do it to observe and correct my form. Oppps- guess that's not allowed because obviously no one would look in the mirror unless they were vain, right? I'm just someone who thinks that everyone should feel comfortable going to the gym, regardless of how they dress or look. And it's because of judgmental people like you that they don't. Even if the people you described are judgmental as well, two wrongs don't make a write.

Anonymous
Thu Jan 27 2011 11:08
This whole piece is hilariously true!
Anonymous
Thu Jan 27 2011 03:30
Lol, Greek presence, its important to validate your insecurities too. Everyone that liked this must have payed to have friends too
Anonymous
Wed Jan 26 2011 15:08
Well done!




log out